My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
