Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
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