im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
