Your mouth is God's brothel.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
