I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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