They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
