I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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