My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize