i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
