In the future we'll all be gay
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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