Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
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It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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