I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
