Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
