Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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