You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
