I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
