There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
