I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
tell me about the eggs
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