Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
