girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
