Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
