i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
