She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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