That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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