i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
