There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
