You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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