"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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