My nipple is on Facebook.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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