Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You took a bar mat shot.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
