so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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