umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
