Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
