There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
