the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
