i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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