so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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