and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
