I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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