I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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