Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
