Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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