Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
