I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
