My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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