You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
