found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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