i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
