i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
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Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
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In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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