I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
