I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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