Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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