You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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