So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
