they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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