Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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