I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize