My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
