He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
