Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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