The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize