see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
