ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Someone shit on the floor
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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