ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
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They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
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Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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