Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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